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[xcaliber]

Advice from An Old Farmer

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
Most times, it just gets down to common sense

[Gumbo]

One board with it all.

[hobo]

Don't squat with yer spurs on

[hooter]

Don't piss on an electric fence.   

[xcaliber]

Don't piss on an electric fence.   

or into the wind!

[xcaliber]

never follow a cattle trailer!

[snake]

Don't ride your bike behind a chicken hauler or a chip trailer.
SSSSSsssssnake

[Gumbo]

In the words of Ween

Don't AppleSauce where you eat my friend

[hooter]

In the words of Ween

Don't AppleSauce where you eat my friend

Not to be confused with what was served at some of the places we've all been to. You know the one that looked ok but with the first bite, a neon light flashes across your mind saying "what the s**t is this"?     

[hooter]

When a LEO pulls you over and you get out a piece of Juicy Fruit gum, roll the tin foil wrapper up into a ball and when he asks you for some ID, you hand him the gum wrapper and say "the silver bullet will tell you who I am".

...and for those of you that wonder about that, well let me say, we were all young and dumb at one time.......   

[Gumbo]

When a LEO pulls you over and you get out a piece of Juicy Fruit gum, roll the tin foil wrapper up into a ball and when he asks you for some ID, you hand him the gum wrapper and say "the silver bullet will tell you who I am".

...and for those of you that wonder about that, well let me say, we were all young and dumb at one time.......   

Kemosobe

[snake]

Ok lone ranger, did Tonto really say; " Doctor, him say you gonna die!"  after he asked the doctor how he needed to treat the rattlesnake bite on the end of your penis??? Really?
SSSSSsssssnake

[matap]

wise man say: "Run in front of truck, get tired.  Run behind truck, get exhausted"

[Isorg]

knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, experience is knowing not to use it in a fruit salad.

[JustinVTX]

You don't tug on superman's cape,
You don't spit into the wind,
You don't pull the mask off that old lone ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim!