Texas X Riders
Main Area => G Rated Side Splitting => Topic started by: hipshot on October 15, 2017, 07:23:37 PM
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So my neighbor has been complaining that my dog had been barking non stop...ummm sure okay...
Well I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I found a humane citronella collar for her. The way it works is when the dog barks, it shoots out a blast of citronella under their nose and they don't like it so it makes them stop barking.
Don't worry this gets good. I had to go there this morning, so I figured I'd set the collar up.
I filled it with the citronella "stuff" and that is where my morning SHOULD have ended.
But ohh no, this is me we are talking about, and my dumb self decided to figure out how it works. So I'm standing on my back porch "barking" at the collar, and I'm like what the heck? I feel like an idiot because, of course, nothing happens.
I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. So, I bark...again...nothing happens. Now I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I put the collar around my neck, fasten it, and bark....GOOD Gosh ALMIGHTY!!! Apparently, the darn thing only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a debilitating blast of citronella "stuff" to my face!!
I was coughing my darn lungs out which made this Gosh darn forsaken collar spray out more stuff... Now, I'm dying, trying to breathe, with my dog looking at me with her head cocked sideways like I'm stupid.
So between coughing and yelling for help, all while jumping around like a fish out of water, I have emptied over a dozen death blasts of this citro"stuff" stright to my face. Mind You, this whole darn time, I'm trying to get the thing off, but I'm in such a panic, I can't figure it out.
Just about the time I am ready to use a chainsaw to get it off, I finally get the collar off and throw the darn thing as far as I can...only to have it hit the wall, bounce back and hit me in the face delivering it's final death blow. I sit my citro infused booty in the chair trying to get the smell out of my nose, and gasping for fresh, clean, wonderful air. I decide to take a break and all I can think is why &$#@?/ did I do this??? Then I was distracted by the laughter......
MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING!
He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, and tears were running down his cheeks. He finally calms down and says, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set the thing off again and then I would start laughing again and couldn't make it".
So lessons learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off and 2. remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation. On the plus side, I probably won't have a mosquito problem for a few weeks!
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Well, there's that.
Funny Story.