Please forgive me!!!!
1. Two antennas met on a roof,
fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a
bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A dyslexic man walks into a
bra.
4. A man walks into a bar with
a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one
for the road."
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"!
6. Two cows are standing next to
each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's
true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
7. An invisible man marries an
invisible woman; the kids were nothing to look at either.
8. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've
heard this bull before.
9. A man woke up in a hospital
after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel
my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off
your arms!"
10. What do you call a fish with
no eyes? A fsh.
11. Two fish swim into a concrete
wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
12. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak
were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving
once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
13. A woman has twins and gives
them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had
a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
14. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know,
walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses
on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this
is so bad, it's good)... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
15. Finally, there was the person
who sent fifteen different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least
ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
