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[VT-XS]

I'm writing a song with a woman in Nashville. There are two versions of it and this is one.
So far, I'm just hearing from songwriter types and songwriter wannabees such as myself and would
appreciate hearing some opinions from people that listen to music and don't write it
or play it.

The audio is real rough, knocked out fast on my home computer with a 10 dollar computer mic.
So it aint much.
If u choose to comment on it, please be critical. Don't go out of your way to find something
that u don't like, but don't hold back if there something that sounds like it could be better.

Critical comments are helpful and the songwriter forums and evaluation services can be pretty rough. So I'm used to it.


To any of yall that drop an opinion on it. Thanks.  Martin

Click the hi fi button on "Roommates With RIngs


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=755462&content=music



Roommates with Rings by Lide/Tufts
Copywrite 2009

V1
You haven't touched me in forever
Stopped saying I love you
When You quit, I can't remember
I just wish it wasn't true

Leaving in the mornin
I start dreadin comin home
we crawl into our bed
together but alone

C
We're just roommates with rings
who have furniture and other things
but none of the joy
that real love brings

Roommates with rings
who have old forgotten dreams
together but alone
in a house not a home.

V2
I wake before dawn
Watch you as you sleep
Gently touch your arm
You pull away from me.

Was a time when our love
lasted all night long
I ask where that went
You pretend there's nothin wrong

C

Br
I leaf through old pictures
from back in better times
your eyes were a sparkle
I love the way they shined.
you held me so close

[Lucky]

Depressing subject...but very well done song

[VT-XS]

61 looks and one post. Either I hit a nerve and no one wants to involve themselves with it    or this song is simply d.o.a.  

Thanks Lucky. Appreciate the comment.

[nomercyambulance]

Wow! Deep and sad. Made me want to go home and hug the wife.

Do you know what happens when you play country music backwards?
Your wife comes back,
Your dog stops running away,
The bank brings your tuck back.

[VT-XS]

Wow! Deep and sad. Made me want to go home and hug the wife.

Do you know what happens when you play country music backwards?
Your wife comes back,
Your dog stops running away,
The bank brings your tuck back.

But...

your girlfriend goes away
and you have to stop drinking.

[DEMON]

Wow! Deep and sad. Made me want to go home and hug the wife.

Do you know what happens when you play country music backwards?
Your wife comes back,
Your dog stops running away,
The bank brings your tuck back.

no wonder I like Rap!!! 

[wpxrider]

Not bad. Of course I liked the last song you posted also.

[Dusty]

I thought the lyrics were good although not what I would have chosen to listen to at 5:00 AM.  Nice poetic flow but I felt the tempo was a little fast for the subject. There were times when it sounded like you were trying to get more words in than there was time for, if that makes any sense.

One of the 61, what can I say Martin, you left me speechless.  Besides, I didn't want to be the first. 

[VT-XS]

I thought the lyrics were good although not what I would have chosen to listen to at 5:00 AM.   Nice poetic flow but I felt the tempo was a little fast for the subject. There were times when it sounded like you were trying to get more words in than there was time for, if that makes any sense.

One of the 61, what can I say Martin, you left me speechless.   Besides, I didn't want to be the first.  

Bill

About the words...makes perfect sense cause it's true. Song felt ok to sing, but when I played it back I sound rushed to get the words in. I'll try a slower tempo too, wondered the thing myself.  Thanks for telling me that's what u heard.


Nomercy: thanks for commenting

Gabe:  I suppose I'll just continue praying for you. not to you. for you.

[DEMON]

you may have better luck if you pray to me!!!!   

[woody]

the words r so true

[tattoowho]

 If you really want feedback, it reminds me alot of the poems you see published when someone dies. By that I mean that they aren't bad, but are lacking something. I wish you luck.

[VT-XS]

Woody...Thank you.

Gabe...No thank you


Tattoowho.... Cool response to a song.   Can u be more specific? What feels like its lacking?
                                                        Music?, lyrics?, content?
                                                        Something else?

[opos04]

I'l have to think about this one! 

[beaux43]

I actually liked both...the first touched a nerve from my first marriage.

"Just a shade of Human" should be "Just a Shade of Him" since you mention God and Lord in the song.  It is a tough song to get a across these days but so true.