Texas X Riders

Main Area => General Discussion => Topic started by: ConnRadd on May 26, 2006, 04:39:36 PM

Title: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: ConnRadd on May 26, 2006, 04:39:36 PM

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school
diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on
the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next
flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Title: Re: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: Dusty on May 26, 2006, 04:52:06 PM

Thanks! That was great!  ;D

Title: Re: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: KEBS on May 26, 2006, 05:02:04 PM

Very funny, thanks!! ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: pacrat on May 26, 2006, 05:04:37 PM

holy cow I can't stop laughing harder with each one!!! 

Title: Re: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: Blueflameguy2 on May 26, 2006, 07:29:54 PM

lol

i was a crew chief on the e-3 AWACS, we had this circulated around.  we got alot of the same stupid gripes too.  had the one about the radar being inoperable in the O-F-F postion....  gave that guy hell for a month about it  ;D

Title: Re: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: RD on May 26, 2006, 10:40:43 PM

ROFLMAO ;D ;D

Title: Re: Qantas Quality Control
Post by: jarubio on May 27, 2006, 03:29:26 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!